It’s been a while since I last blogged, what with college starting again and a normal schedule coming into full view. I started this blog to re-introduce consistency in my life after my friend Jordan’s passing. But here I am now, an hour away from the events of this summer, surrounded by amazing people who I missed dearly, and still tied to both places.
This being my Senior year of college, I’ve been incredibly reflective lately about the person I was back when I started out. It’s funny, really, how we can pack what seems like our entire lives into a handful of boxes and ship it to a new place, making new memories and filling new boxes with our new experiences. I remember Freshman year. I was afraid of everything and everyone. I was a heck of a lot more self concious back then, always worrying that I wouldn’t fit in. The boxes I brought with me to college just didn’t seem to jive with the new life I had. I was always pulled between two worlds, diving into both but never bringing them together.
And now? Now on the cusp of my final year of school, I see through new lenses. With all the good things and the bad things that happened this summer, with Jordan’s death and the incredible inspiration and heartbreak that came from me working with my youth group, with the overwhelming support and encouragement of my friends and family, and the hand of God moving in everything, I have come to see just how seamlessly connected my life at Gardner-Webb and my life at home is.
The faces are often different.
The experiences, the joyful and the gutwrenching, however different they may be, are all connected.
I am helplessly made up of all of the people I encounter. And, while I can’t fit everything into one box (If I’m to extend the packaging metaphor,) all of those boxes shape the person I am. When I began college, I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. And on the fourth year, I say this, resolutely: I know whose I am, and I know that what I want is important.
This summer was instrumental in teaching me that I have control over nothing. I am held accountable for my actions and for what I do with what God has given me, but I do not pull the strings. Every good or bad thing that occurs is the result of a God who allowed it because he loves us. Because it is in the difficult times that his face is revealed to those who will seek it.
God does not exist in the boxes I brought with me or those I create. God is inside of me, the only constant in an ever-fluctuating world, revealed in the life, death, resurrection, and invitation of Jesus Christ. May I never let the boxes I pull things out of and tuck away in my dorm at college obscure that vision. May I never let my circumstances win out over a holy God who loves his children.