…and still our times are endless (or, an open letter to death)

We cling to memories that haunt us,

Holding tightly to the wounds we create and allowing demons to taunt us,

Faces downcast and dreaming of somewhere else,

Like roots torn from cold soil only to realize that they never belonged.

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We worship our saddest moments, 

Keep them tucked in our back pockets to pull out when we are the loneliest,

Made victim to our own delusions of suffering with respect to our misplaced pride.

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And I will never forget you,

Standing as a sentinel, 

Guarding all of my misconceived moments of clarity

And helping me to realize that I was meant for more than this. 

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Dear Death,

You don’t scare me any more,

Not since I realized that you are simply a door. 

And the weight of my insufficiency to stop you is hoisted squarely on my shoulders,

The flame that I shrank back from has been made subject to its own cold grip and is left to smolder,

As with beauty, fear is in the eye of the beholder.

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And dear Grief, 

Thank you for the not-so-subtle reminders of my own mortality,

And in exposing the corners of my soul to my own arrogant brutality,

You drowned me in sadness until my weaknesses were all I could see.

And in seeing only weakness, 

You set me free.

Because now I know that it is in my weakness that the strength of Christ is made perfect. 

And if perfection is truly the goal, then all of this must’ve had purpose.

Because if something as terrifying as death,

As mortifying as loss

Could dismantle the work that You started in me,

Then, Christ wouldn’t be much of a Savior, would he?

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So I remember my friend,

With teary eyes and a heart full of love.

I remember the conviction with which he spoke the truth,

I remember the fire in his eyes that I believed would never go out.

And I remember the promises we made, the King we both craved.

I remember.

And I will always remember you, Jordan. Until we meet again.

To Christ, the Alpha and Omega, our beginning and our end.

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Author: panicpreacherpanic

I am not good.

2 thoughts on “…and still our times are endless (or, an open letter to death)”

  1. Stephen…thank you for this! It is beautiful! Thank you for always honoring and never forgetting my son! You were a brother to him…you still are! Continue fighting the good fight for the cause of Christ! I miss Jordan so badly it hurts…it always will!! We love you!

    Melissa Slusher

  2. Stephen, Thank you for sharing this. You relationship with Jordan was a special one. He always spoke of you as a brother that he could depend on. Keep your focus on Christ and always depend on Him! As “someone” once said, “No matter what happens…Always trust God!”

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