It’s so easy to just let this blogging thing die. I was going semi-regularly and then…poof. Nothing in a month. Maybe it’s because in the months prior, I didn’t have anything really going on. Now that I’m a semi-adult and have an adult job and an adult house and adult bills, it’s really hard to keep everything going here on WordPress. Maybe as I’m living life, it becomes harder to commentate on it.
Maybe so much is happening that I can’t process it all.
Maybe it’s because the more experiences I have in ministry, the harder it is to pin my ideas down and condense them into an easy to read, digestible block of text fit for any audience. Because with the complexities of the situations and people I encounter, there is no easy way to sum up what God is teaching me.
Because as my digital inkwell runs dry, the pages of my journal spill over. But the pages of my journal aren’t easily readable or digestible. They are full of fear and doubt and loneliness and all of the things I don’t want people who may or may not read this blog to see.
They aren’t carefully written and posted to construct an image of the man I want you to see. They don’t have a veneer of honesty only to make it so I come out looking good on the other side. They are a play by play of my present conundrums and a work that more often than not ends without a completed thought. Some of the entries end in a simple word….why. Sometimes how.
I do know a few things at this point in my life:
1.) I really do love my job, and am consistently amazed by the God who so purposefully put me there. By the people who barely know me and support me and love me as I adjust to all of the newness.
2.) I really do love living on my own. However, I am a very social person and the loneliness is sometimes crippling and I’ve not been super successful at making new friends outside of the church where I work.
3.) I am blessed. As much uncertainty as I may have about various things, I am confident in Christ, who stands above every circumstance and every unanswered question.
I only see part of the picture, a dim reflection of what is real. Maybe that’s part of growing up. I won’t see it all until my faith becomes sight and I look into His eyes and he welcomes me home.
I’m going to try to be more regular with blogging, because it helps me organize my thoughts.
We’ll see what happens.
When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” -1 Corinthians 13:11-12