Pouring From An Empty Glass


Capture

“Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”
(Isaiah 40:30-31)

My heart is so heavy tonight.

Somewhere in the world, someone is suffering. It might be two cities over, it might be next door. It may be happening in your head.

All around me, I feel the shockwaves racing from the epicenter of a crumbling world. An earth that groans for reconciliation, a kingdom that has, for so long, run from its king but is desperate for Him. And maybe they don’t even know that he is what they really desire.

I write in flowery, pretentious prose because the groaning is too close to home, and I am tired. On days like today the purpose behind my calling to be minister of the Gospel of Jesus is so very clear, and the need so evident, but even still, so very hard to grasp in my hand.

I feel like an empty glass, striving to continue pouring out, even when nothing is left. If I were smarter, or older and wiser, I might just put the cup back under the faucet and allow myself to be filled again before I try to continue giving. But my go to is always to stress about it and demand answers to questions I’ve not been brave enough to ask.

Seasons of transition and turmoil often feel like seasons of silence, and I’ve not figured out why. To be separate from others is one thing, but to feel like your prayers are going unanswered or that God has left are the most terrifying times one can experience.

To ask God where he’s gone but then remembering: I have pastoral aspirations and responsibilities, I’m not allowed to ask those questions.

But then. Maybe sometimes it takes talking to an impartial audience. Oh, that’s it, I’ll write a blog. I’ll be transparent about my struggles and questions and folks will be sure to solicit some help, or at least someone will congratulate me for being open and honest (because thats the fashionable thing to do), that or it’ll bring out the “I told you so’s” from the atheist crowd.

Maybe writing these thoughts will un-knot my mind long enough to let me hear God speak. Maybe if I quiet myself just enough…

…They who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength…

Weariness. It’s probably the most poetic word to ascribe to that poured out glass feeling. It’s such a beautiful way to say “beaten down, washed up, beyond tired.”

When I look back on the past ten years of my life, I’m met with a reminder from God. It was always during the times I’d described myself as weary that God spoke most powerfully into my situation. It was always when I was at my wit’s end that he either gave me the answers I so feared or used me, by words and actions, to speak the truth of the Gospel into the lives of others.

Suffering doesn’t always hit you over the head and grind you into the dust. Sometimes it’s that dull ache in your chest that won’t go away. The anticipation that comes from the fear that something bad is about to happen and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

And then, though we don’t always have the answers to life’s burning questions, we press on. We wait on God to speak or to propel us into the very action that our souls crave without knowing it.

I’ll say from experience that God has used me most effectively when I was in transition. When I stopped moping and accepted that things aren’t always going to be easy or feel good. But God. He saw the needs in my life and in the lives of those around me and he finally spoke. Or maybe I finally listened.

To be filled, we have to put ourselves in a position to receive from God that which restores us and mends our brokenness so that others, seeing the healing of God within us, will be drawn to repentance and salvation and receive what God wants to give them.

At the end of my life, I want to look back and say with resolve that I have poured out all that which was given to me, and to know with confidence that God’s wells never run dry. What you might think is silence could be preparing you for something better.

I preach this not just to you, but to myself. AΩ

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Author: panicpreacherpanic

I am not good.

8 thoughts on “Pouring From An Empty Glass”

  1. I’m sorry no one has responded to your post so I’ll be the first to say thank you. It is refreshing to hear that I am not the only christian that has times of feeling like I am alone and God has abandoned me. But we all know that it is us who has the disconnect somehow. God is still there. And we will be filled up again with His presence. Thank you for the reminder

    1. Me desculpe, eu não falo português. Esta é a partir Traduz Google por isso pode não ser preciso.

      I’m sorry, I don’t speak portugese. This is from google translate so it may not be accurate.

  2. I know most who have grown up around a church or a Bible know the verse,
    Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.
    Deuteronomy 31:6

    or even Joshua 1:5 There shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life: as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

    Even if it’s just been quoted and they don’t realize where it is in the Bible (I didn’t for a while and had to look it up to be reminded). It takes time to get to the point of always trusting He is there. I know this because I was going through that for the first 30 years of my life. I guess the real question you should be asking yourself is not where did he go, but why do you believe he would leave you?
    Also, I don’t think anyone (seeking to be a pastor or not) should ever feel they have questions they can’t ask God. Ever. It’s how you learn and grow in your faith and if you avoid those questions, well, you’ll be stuck where you’re at. But you’re right, your post is vague compared to what could really be going on with you and by the time you read this you might already be past it. Keep in mind the spiritual warfare will come up and always makes it seem something is wrong when really God is trying to test your faith.
    My thought about your comments of having a heavy heart for others in a decaying world? Imagine how HE feels. Someone once shared with me that they talked to the Lord about that heaviness and sorrow and He told them that if he shared how he fully felt when it comes to heartache with any person they would die from the extremity of it.

    Anyway, praying for you today and hope you hear more from the Lord soon.

    -Lindsey

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